Hilarious: ‘Abagusii Men’s Conservation Trust’ Responds to Dennis Okari for Failing Kisii Forefathers

 
By Onyinkwa Onyakundi
Revelations in today’s edition of the Star Newspaper that there is a wealthy politician at the centre of the end of the marriage of Betty Kyallo to Dennis Okari who not only partly funded the couple’s honeymoon ~ unbeknown to Okari of course ~ but also secretly bought her a Toyota Prado have prompted a prompt and appropriate response from the Abagusii Men’s Conservation Trust (A.B.M.C.T), because in Dennis Okari, we see a lot of what is wrong with the middle class urban Kisii man of 2016, who has totally drifted off the course and role that our forefathers prescribed to us as the head of the family. Just 4 observations from Kisii men who have observed more than he has.
1. First, Okari acted in a manner that is not consistent with his position as an adult Kisii man when he needlessly and so ‘unKisiically’ shed tears in public. Kisii men don’t so. However, the only thing more scandalous for a Kisii man than shedding tears in broad daylight, in public, under the glare of cameras and on national TV, is to do so out of being overwhelmed by emotions of love’ loyalty and total submission to a woman’s charm ~ don’t kill me Kamba people, no pun intended there ~ or bewitching smile.
2. Secondly, while it ain’t illegal yet ~ as it ought to be ~ any form of public display of affection (P.D.A.) by a Kisii man ~ not just the act of ‘Okomoroka’ in public ~ is frowned upon by us. It projects him as a weakling and a sissie, and induced by a ‘Kaliwad Chapati’ or ‘Kababa’. That is why we don’t accompany our women to the market, or help them carry groceries in public. It is also the reason why we never saw our old folks hug, hold hands, kiss or caress each other in public like so many pictures online have captured Dennis and Betty doing.
3. Thirdly, much as that gender equality and women empowerment crap may have completely devoured whatever strand of Kisii man that is still left in Okari, by Sakawa and Otenyo’s souls, he ought to absolutely have been the sole accountant, treasurer, accounting officer, spending authority and whistle blower of all monies in the marriage. When planning that Dubai Honeymoon trip, he ought to have either footed the whole bill himself, scaled down to ‘Sameta Lodge’ if he couldn’t afford it, or tracked and traced every last shilling that was going into such an intimate undertaking, and certified it himself as ‘fit for purpose’.
4. Fourthly, when his wife drove out one morning in a Subaru without a word ~ or a wad ~ but showed up later that night in a spanking brand new multimillion shilling Toyota Prado VX Sports Utility Vehicle, he ought to have realised that the problem he had in his hands was much bigger than accounting challenges, and that the tears he shed at the wedding were ‘anticipatory tears’ forcibly and forcefully injected through ‘African osmosis’ by our ancestors into his tear glands as a warning that he had trodden the wrong path, and that that ‘Ebeta’ ought to have been slid into Nyabeta’s finger not because she is better looking but because she better understands why he beat her.