Why Luos Never Win On Citizen’s Tazama Chapaa

September 10, 2012
CITIZEN TV: Hello, am i speaking to Otiende Openda?

OTIENDE: In the event that u want to secure my audience, Please predecease the names Otiende Openda with the prefix Engineer

CITIZEN TV: we received your SMS at tazama chapa and we….

OTIENDE: Yes, I radiate an apologetic tone for bombarding your systems with an avalanche of messages yester night. You see I left the custody of my Samsung galaxy s3 phone to my 9 year old son so that he could play with as he had developed monotony to his toys. He must have contacted u by error.

CITIZEN TV: By error?

OTIENDE: Yes. u see, he wanted to re-united zack with his home country (bring zack home) but didn’t know the exact pay bill number so I told him for the sake of probability, to send SMSes to all pay bill numbers he has ever seen being displayed on my 64 inch Samsung flat screen that also relays 3d images. u must have been a beneficiary of his gesture

CITIZEN TV: we received your messages nevertheless and are pleased to inform u that u are our winner this week

OTIENDE: actually it is my son who has won, let me expose this dialogue to him via a conference call so that u can relay to him the good news

CITIZEN TV: No sir, we just wanted to inform u that he has won 500,000 shillings and would like u and him to come to our station n pick the prize infront of the cameras

OTIENDE: I am withered with shock

CITIZEN TV: I know u must be too happy

OTIENDE: I was jubilating until u inserted the suffix ‘shillings’ vis-à-vis ‘dollars’ after the digits. u want to assemble me and my offspring before the local TV’s UHF and VHF bandwidths and ask us to jubilate profusely at 500,000 shillings?. are u aware that such information can leak into CNN or BBC and expose me to international shame as my fellow alumni’s from the university of Ohio residing in the Diaspora may recognize me and embed shame to my occupation

CITIZEN TV: Excuse me sir but this news would make anyone happy

OTIENDE: if u had called me to alert me that mack zuckerberg is selling all his shares to me. then the muscles residing in close proximity to my jaws would have relaxed to depic happiness

CITIZEN TV: we still require u to come to our offices so that we can explain more details on how u will receive your….

OTIENDE: Then dispatch a helicopter to the coordinates of my dwelling to phery me and my son to your bearings, then promise to grant us anonymity by hiding our faces when we r receiving the cheque and please please, so that people do not recognize my name with ease, just omit the prefix Engineer.

CITIZEN TV: We cannot do that sir

OTIENDE : Then i suggest that u terminate this cellular dialogue promptly b4 I sue u for diminishing the voltage in my cellular gadget’s power plant (batteries) via this misplaced dialogue.

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