This week on the Kenyan subreddit, r/Kenya, one story has captivated readers.
An anonymous Kenyan went into excruciating detail as he narrated how he suspected his wife of cheating, then confirmed his suspicions in the most spectacular way. The story was narrated over several days in different parts, as it was happening in real time.
It’s a long and interesting read, so make yourself comfortable.
The ****** represent every separate post as the events were unfolding.
Let’s begin.
Hello guys, here’s an interesting one and I need your insights.
So lately I suspected my girlfriend was cheating. You see, I normally leave her to go for work in far places and I can take upto 2 months to return home. So recently, I came back and noticed she has these weird behaviors as if she is hiding something. I asked her but she denied vehemently. Now after gathering some small Intel with my little CID tactics, it is likely that the guy she is seeing is my close friend.
So I came up with a plan to catch them red handed, staki mtu aseme anasingiziwa. Yesterday I told her that I will not be available on Wednesday and immediately she invited that guy over and told him that I will be away. How did I know?. I linked her whatsapp on my laptop and I can follow their convo. So guys tomorrow is the day. I know their meet up will probably be at night. Personally, I am not going anywhere and this is just a plan that once they are inside, I come later, unannounced!.
Who has ever experienced this?. What did you do upon entering that house?. I am still confused on what actions I’ll take upon entering that house. I don’t want any blood shed. I only want to do something that will terrorize both of them mentally but I haven’t figured it out. Should I enter and lock the door, and then tell the man to continue sleeping with her, as I will sleep on the couch?. Or should I just give em silent treatment? I don’t want a fight which may cause unnecessary police cases when someone is injured.
N.B I am fed up with this r/ship and I don’t want to be involved with this lady ever again. Right now she’s besides me acting like everything is okay😁😁This gender!
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So guys, today is the day!
So today after we woke up, and as I was preparing myself for my “journey” this lady complained of a migraine and mild abdominal pains. Guess what, she’s on her menses. Mahn! Just when my plan was about to click, the periods came. I had not factored in this event and I had to go back to the drawing board. Her menses would mean that they wouldn’t meet as they had earlier agreed.
So I quickly logged in pale whatsapp and saw her reporting the unexpected phenomenon. I could sense disappointment from how the guy responded. Again, the guy was like he wants to raincheck their meet-up but now mi lady is insisting that her whole body is aching and cramps are taking a toll on her, all she needs is a full-body massage. Waah. So they agree that he will come over to give this full-body massage. Maii Lawd, I wonder if the massage will escalate to proper strokes.😅
Whether I find them massaging, or reading constitution, or even watching movies they must acknowledge my presence around. Just like the messiah, I’ll go in peace. Today is the day she leaves. Only a few hours counting! Tick, Tock!
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Time has moved so fast. 01:47 A.M I am already seated in my house. I told you guys it will be peaceful.😄 Right now I am typing while sipping some hot tea, you can make yours too and enjoy the read. Based on True Events. So let’s start.
Around 2 hours ago I embarked on my mission. I vowed to ensure that this lady knows that I know abt their relationship, not through text, but mambo laivuuu. By 0023 I was in this compound, normally the gate is always locked past 11pm but I got the key. Accompanied with a friend, this mission had to be completed. He was to serve as a mtu wa mkono and a witness. The entire apartment was already dead silent. So, we tiptoed to my door. From the giggles and low voices I heard inside, I could confirm that the two love birds were already inside and were enjoying this night. Ahaa! I am about to spoil their moment. I don’t want to be heard, I want to be seen.
Knock! Knock! I Knock. Then once again. They have stopped talking and it seems, they are getting ready to respond to the call. I hear her coming towards the door, she always drags her legs on the floor. “Ni nani?” she asks. I don’t respond. I Knock once again. I can now hear her boyfriend asking “Na kwani haongei..” How could he.? That son of a bitch asking as if he was in his home. I could feel my anger rising but I had to stay composed. She switches on the security lights, opens the curtains trying to steal a gaze of who might be knocking!. Surpriseee!!!! It is me.
I could see it in her eyes she’s already shocked. She closes it immediately. At this point, I don’t know what they are doing inside there but najua habari tayari ishafikia boyfriend that mwenye nyumba is at the door. I give her time because she must open this door today, besides, there is no back door. The entry is the only exit!. She finally opens the door after around 20mins. I signal my backup to wait outside there, mambo ikichemka ndo aingie.
“Ghai, beb! Kwani kumeendaje?” She is already trembling. Her voice shaking. She is in a dera. “Shit!, ghai! Sasa hata hautanihug” Her face is filled with fear. By this time I am still standing at the door. Stone-faced. I swear I really wanted to slap this gal so hard and spit on her face but i maintained my cool. She was trying to maintain her normal smile but she couldn’t hold the tears. I move forward, and get inside the house, I turn, take the padlock from her hand and I lock the door, keys still intact in my hand. No one is getting out of this house tonight. My eyes scan around the room, there is no sign of him. I walk calmly to the bathroom, nikakojoa and released some tension. I had swore I will act normal.
So I get out of the bathroom, head into the bedroom. Haha. Ninja is nowhere to be seen. All this while, she is following me, fast-paced, pretending to be concerned. “Beb, Mbona hukusema utarudi nikupikie?” She is growing frustrated because I am silent all this while. I only utter the words “Yes” or “No” because the rage I have inside will come out when I decide to utter more words. I head to the wardrobe pretending to search for some fresh clothes, he’s not there. I checked the living room while heading here and I did not see him either. This is one-bedroom house and now I am 100% sure he is hiding under the bed. I will not bother him, let him sleep there. He thinks he is brave, let him brave the cold hapo chini kwa tiles.
Huyu naye kazi ni kunifuata kila mahali na kuniuliza maswali. “Nikuwekee maji moto uoge?” “Aki, mbona sasa ukuje hii usiku yote”, “Si ungenipigia nikukujie kwa barabara” nkt, as if she always picks me up. I wish she could know I am not interested. She is really tensed and keeps on cursing “shit!, F$ck!”etc. I head to the kitchen make some hot tea and head to straight to the bedroom. I bring along a glass of cold water because this lady is already sweating and I hand it to her. She looks surprised. I think she needs it because tonight she will be sweating and crying, the water will keep her hydrated. At least I still care😁. I lock the bedroom door.
Sasa right now, we are in bed. I know we are three people in this room. She knows I know we are two people. I switch off the lights!. This lady beside me is restless, she’s trying to act normal but she can’t. She starts crying once again. “Sasa unalia nini na ulikuwa na siku mzima ya kulia” I ask her. “Aki beb cramps inaniuma” Hehe! “Cramps gani na nilikuskia ukicheka” I ask her. “I was on a videocall na Kate yule Cuzo wangu nilikuambia anaenda majuu” she responds. Eei! Yaani she can still lie. Ma-liar huyu! “Na mbona unatetemeka” I inquire. “Kuna baridi akii” she says and comes closer. “Kuna baridi na unasweat, are you normal?” I interject her. “Beb, aki ni vile periods za raundii zimekuja na maubaya”. I smirk.
“Beb, si unishike tulale,” she says as she comes more closer. Right now, I know she needs me to sleep ndio afungulie boyfriend mlango. She wants to sneak him out. “Wewe lala, na uache kunisumbua” i respond. In fact, now I am not sleeping. I sit by the bed, take my laptop and start checking nothing. My response has triggered her tears, she is now crying silently blaming period pains but I know it is devil under this bed. If I could be her I could utilize my last night and sleep. This guy under this bed will have to sleep there tonight, he already saw it wise to sleep there, so I won’t bother him. I chuckle when I remember yesterday we met at a chemist akitafuta dawa za chest pains juu ya baridi. So he came to my house tonight expecting to be sleeping in the warmth of this lady and on my bed. Now see his life, he’s under. If he sleeps there until morning, he will wake up with more chest pains, or maybe he will critically ill. I know he’s asthmatic, but that is least of my worry right now.
Infact, nataka kuwatch Dexter series. I hear this Dexter guy is a psycho, but I am yet to find out tonight.😄😄With my cup of insomnia, today I am not sleeping. To you reading this, wait for the last episode of this crazy drama. We said we are doing it slowly and peacefully. It is a movie night! Goodnight from the three of us. Cheers!
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I have given this guy enough time to come out. Yaani hataki kutoka. Should we smoke him out?. I want to use some pepper spray ama any other suggestions? I want something that may trigger his asthma or whatever. Apparently he switched off his phone, I’ve tried calling him but haiingii. Ama ameniblock?. Nigga must be comfortable down there. Seems he got his lunch packed already. It’s time to find out. I am calling for backup so that I know if we are need a body bag or something else. The lady prepared breko but i guess she’s concerned leo sitoki hii room. This ends in the next few minutes. We’re smoking him out!!! I can share his number too here tumpigie sote.
I am updating in a few.
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Si I decide to call my backup mwenye tulikuwa naye the yesterday night. He takes around 5 minutes to arrive. It is the first time I am opening the door today. The lady has already started smelling a rat and she knows her goose is bouta get cooked. She is really curious. We hurriedly get inside the bedroom and she follows us quickly. Right now she knows that I know. “Aki, beb naskia kizunguzungu” She starts getting dramatic and drops on the floor. I turn and look at her on the floor; she wants to convince us that she has fainted. She wants to distract us but we ain’t buying into her story. Not today sis!
We must first smoke out this male version. Just like some of you suggested, we took a mopstick and started poking under the bed. “Aaii! Aaii!” Please I can explain” So he’s still alive. We keep poking, now harder. “Manze, mtaniumiza joh, tulia natoka” then he starts coughing. The guy I was with (backup) could not keep calm, grabbed one of his leg and pulled him half-out. His head still under the bed.
On the other side, this lady’s eyes were now open. She was witnessing the rapture first-hand. “Aki beb I can explain…please”, now she’s crying profusely. I notice she’s crying in a low tone, careful not to attract attention. It is her moment of embarrassment. Ladies can get dramatic, yaani we have not even completed the face-reveal of his boyfriend and she’s throwing tantrums. “Shit, baby, aki ni shetani. Beeb am sorry..” Mai lawd, how do you drag the devil in this mess. She stands and starts pacing across the floor, she’s shaking. She kneels, stands again. She falls, then rolls on the floor. It is her moment to shine, let her shine.
Back to our guy. Now, this man don’t wanna come out. It is like he’s clutching on to something. We pull, he’s coming along with the bed. We pull again. We ain’t here for games brother. I step on his knee so hard, but in a way that pleases God. “Aii, manze insert my name pole mahn, acha niwaambie kila kitu..” Already I recognize his voice. We give one last pull. Behold, Ladies and Gentlemen, this man, in shorts, and a shirt, the man who enjoyed free accommodation and even overslept has given in to pressure. He’s now exposed. Her girlfriend also looks surprised, was she expecting to see someone else.? He’s out, but does not want to lift his face, he’s engulfed in shame. My guess was right, he’s my close friend. I feel betrayed and disappointed, I thought I had overcame these feelings.
I peep under the bed and what I saw caught my eye. This man did not sleep on the floor like we all thought. He slept on that lady’s pink towel which was well spread down there (photo attached).
Though small, but it was enough to give him some kind of protection from the cold floor. Buana, if I were to wait for this guy to sneeze or cough as a result of the cold floor, I would still be waiting until now. In his hand, he’s holding his inhaler. 🥱 Yaani, this guy was just comfortable down here like this, I even now start to think, he slept, unlike me who stayed up all night. Hii lazima alipe. I just had to slap him so hard for that mistake, how dare he sleep, on a warm and heavy towel. Nkt!
Now the confessions start. They have been doing this for like two months now, and yesternight they were planning to try it while she’s on her menses. Lawd!. What kind of fetish! After a short interrogation, it is evident, I have lost, they have won. I can’t continue but free them. I ask him where are his pants and he points to the wardrobe. “Haya, as you take your pants from that wardrobe, help her pack her clothes which are in the same closet.” “You have won yourself a brand new second-hand wife” I added. That statement alone made that gal cry so bitterly. Kwani she thought I was here for conflict resolution, I am not Koffi Annan. Jokes on her if she thought, I would diss the guy and hug her tight. I dissed them both, and sent them packing. I can’t hear more of those apologies. Hizo pole zimetosha.
Alot is going on right now that I can’t type. In a few minutes they’ll be gone. But first, they should shower together and go out clean. I hope they live happily and have big-headed children. Until now, the sound of that slap, echoes in this room, and I wish it echoes in that empty head of his forever. Bye!
