FUNNY READ: How a Banker Became a Member of Mungiki for Sleeping with Someone’s Wife

April 27, 2016

Wezi Wa Mapenzi Beware!
By Councillor Njuguna Njohi/ Team Mafisi
Yesterday I was sipping the wisdom of Ruaraka with one Wainaina and we were joined by a member of the outlawed Munguki sect. Wainaina was telling us how it is bad to climb wives of owners. He said that even the Bible warns against eating women of someone. This was not the best stories to be telling somebody like myself who has previously climbed persons of others. I actually fear marrying a lot because they say that Karma is a female dog and what you do to others will be done unto you some day. I dont want to marry and have my wife eaten by others.
The member of Munguki told us that in 2010 he was living in Nakuru. He was not member of Munguki and had no plans of joining. Back then he was working at a respectable bank and money was not a problem. He used to eat colleagues and clients. There was this woman who came to borrow loan from the bank and the nigga helped him. Woman became very happy and told the nigga that she will return hand one day. They exchanged contacts and the man of Munguki started throwing lines small small.
One day the woman planned and invited the niggah at one of the clubs that say in Nakuru. The swallowed cold ones and danced to good music. Woman told the niggah that she was married but her husband was driver of lorries of transist and he was currently in Rwanda. In short the woman was saying that her cookie was ready to accommodate the nigga’s lions. That night they went to house of the woman. She did not have kids and was living all alone. The niggah ate the woman properly.
They became very good friends and the nigga would eat the cookie regularly. The niggah however made a big blunder, he would come to climb the woman in her matrimonial house. Things of stealing should be eaten at a very far and undisclosed location. Neighbours of the woman leaked news to the husband of woman that there is another man who comes to eat his wife.
One day the man visited the woman. The woman had talked to her husband and confirmed that he was in Juba South Sudan and therefore she would get climbed by the banker without fear. The husband had however lied but was actually in Nakuru. Out banker came and as usual he ate things. As he was mauling and excavating the cookie, the husband was briefed by neighbors that there was eater in his house.
The husband assembled 5 members of the Munguki sect and they ambushed out banker. Door was knocked and woman opened. She was shell shocked to see his husband standing at the door. The husband slapped the woman and demanded that she tell whoever she was in the house with to step out.. Our banker was very worried and was praying that earth splits and swallow him.
The 5 hired members of Munguki forced their way into the house and frog marched the banker outside. They made him remove all clothes. They beat him up like a dog. He pleaded not guilty and that he did not know that the woman had owner.
The members of Munguki produced a panga, a gun and a hammer. They instructed the nigga to select one tool which he wanted used to kill him. He cried, urinated on himself and diarrhead in the house. The Munguki felt mercy and told him to either pick the hammer and use it to remove two of his front teeth failure to which they will take panga and chop off his lion.
The nigga went for the hammer option. Painfully and amid gallons of tears he removed his own teeth. He was then forced to take oath and join Munguki.
When he was released, he did not spend another day in Nakuru. He went to his house, sold everything to Shylock and boarded the next matatu from Nakuru to his rural village in Ndumberi..!
From that day he sees women of owners and can not even greet them. He has never returned to Nakuru again and he says the furthest he can go along Nairobi-Nakuru Highway is Kinoo.
You continue eating wives of owners but know that one day, one fuckin day you will be caught.
‪#‎Karma‬ is a female dog!!!

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