Hilarious Open Letter To Citizen TV’s Lillian Muli

Citizen TV’s top anchor, Lillian Muli is without a doubt one of the most watched anchors. Her charm and beauty arrests most men’s attention. Her fashion sense is either the envy or the motivation of many Kenyan ladies out there. In fact she is so fashionable, one Beryl Wanga Itindi, just had to write her an open letter about the high standards she has put for the ladies out there.
Here’s the open letter as it appeared on her blog, Stories and Poems From Kenya.
Dear Lilian Muli Kanene,
When we leave our homes each day/night to go and earn a living, we always make sure that we are at our best. We risk our ankles by balancing on those high heels and swing our hips by force. We carry expensive handbags and make sure our jewelery is intact! You see those wigs/weaves that some of us have on, Lilian, they are uncomfortable, but do we have a choice? Hell no! We don’t! We just have to make our husbands proud by being at our best, it’s always full of suffering, our Golgotha.

Once we get home in the evening, we leave our bags at ‘mama mboga’ coz they are always too heavy for us in the evening and ask our children to go back for them once we are in the house. We remove our shoes at the stairs coz that’s where the suffering ends, our Calvary. We live on the 11th floor remember? And our stairs are too steep! By the time we are on sixth floor, we meet our children running down stairs to mama mboga to bring us our bags, they meet us with a glass of water to give us the strength to get to 11th floor.
When we reach our houses, our heads are spinning around, probably from the long day we have had in our high heels and sexy attires. That figure belt we had all day that presses our stomachs inside, we remove it at the door and finally start breathing normally. Our wigs, we drop them on the coffee table as we ask our lastborns to massage our feet. We go to the bathroom and freshen up then put on a t-shirt and tie a lesso. We then drop (remember I did not say ‘sit’, I said ‘drop’), we drop on our seats and stretch our legs in time to catch the nine o’clock bulletin coz we are always caught up in traffic at 7pm.
Just before it begins, our husbands walk in, tired and ready to give us all the attention we need. We miss them all day remember? We only see them at night because they leave us on Saturdays to go have fun with fellow men. They sleep all Sunday coz they were up all night on Saturday. When they finally wake up Sunday evening, they already have the Monday blues and are so edgy. Lilian baby, we only get to see them in their good moods during weekday, at night to be specific.
It was all going well until your dresser improved his/her services. Surely Lilian, whoever is dressing you is making us suffer? Do you want us to maintain the heels, figure belts and wigs even in our own homes so that you don’t catch our husbands’ attention while presenting news? Lilian, you will be the end of us! Instead of night dresses we are now serving dinner in heels and making sure our lip balm is intact so that we match up to the game! Calvary jumped out the window in our homes and Golgotha sneaked in through all the openings! When are we going to be free?
Dear Lilian, I hear there is a new radio station coming up. I swear you sound so nice on radio, please apply for it. I will even canvass for you!
Yours truly,
Secretary General Komayole Forward Travellers,
Window shopping at Jamia mall right now because of you yet am broke!
Here’s Beryl