Must Read: Warning Letter to Equity MD James Mwangi from Kisii Banana Peddler

April 12, 2016

Dear tagitari,
Aye Chemisi Mwangi, saa hii ni saa disa na tagika disa and I hope this finds you well sir.
I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate you for the many firsts that you have pulled. The wings to fly is a fantastic idea. May God bless you!
We might not be knowing each other personally, but I am one of the very many people who completely trust you. I so much trust you that I can sell my only goat, and deposit the whole amount in your bank.
As I am writing this, my entire life savings of a whooping Ksh 17 saosand na upuzi, is with you. I totally TRUST you sir. I know you have been reading newspapers and watching
I know you have been reading newspapers and watching news and you know how 2 banks have sunk with other people’s money. I have done my research and noted that the customers of the 2 banks are the moneyed people. Those people who live in suburbs. Like yesterday I was watching news, all chase bank customers who were interviewed none of them seemed to speak Greek or behave funny. All of them were speaking that English of removing from the nose.
An indication that they are well-cultured, well-mannered gentlemen and ladies. You cant compare them with your customers from kieni, Kinangop, Kwa Reuben, Kisumu Ndogo, Chamakhokho, Dunga unuse, Nyanturago, Nyamakoroto, Boochi, Nyang’iti, Dondori, Shauri yako, Jasho, Kosovo etc……..
Before I pen off, I would like to briefly introduce myself. I come from Kisii, a very peaceful community. We are a tribe of people who have learnt to respect other people’s properties. Whenever somebody tries to play funny with our properties, we don’t like running to the Government to solve for us. Those are simple tasks that we solve domestically and amicably using sign language.Some other people say that our sign language is a bit brutal, coz we include the use of pangas and other weapons that have been labeled crude by NASA. When such methods don’t work, we resort to use other equally effective methods that cannot be detected by NASA radars. We have what we call OMOSIRA. This has no English translation. It is simply Omosira. Perhaps you can talk to your friend Joshua Oigara of KCB he can be able to break it down for you. But lest be assured, even if you run to Comoros islands, it will for sure get you. It works like a drone albeit invisible.
I finish by letting you know that my people from the firechi who equally trust you called me and asked me to make sure I know where you live. A task that I have completed. I also have a map to your Gichagi home in Murang’a and you have built wonderful homes I must say. They also told me to keep an eye on you, and if I see you living the office with large bags, I should let them know immediately.
Ni hayo tu kwa sasa.
Thank you and have a nice morning. You are one in a million that is why we trust you with our millions.
Keep the good work and God will keep blessing you some more. I know you are saved too.
Yours truly
A Kisii Banana Peddler

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