As the world marked Father’s Day on Sunday, June 18, three celebrity dads spoke to Eve Magazine about what it takes to be a father in 2023.
KING KAKA, MUSICIAN AND ENTREPRENEUR
What do you love most about being a father?
The process of watching your child grow from being dependent to independent is miraculous. To see them go from not being able to eat on their own or walk or even talk, to being independent, is something beautiful. I also love the opportunity of getting to shape their future. Further, seeing yourself in your children is something to behold. I see everything from my obsessive-compulsive disorder to my creativity (drawing and painting) in my children.
What is your biggest challenge?
The fact that no matter how hard you try you can never be a perfect parent. You can intentionally try to be the best parent, but there is only so much you can do as you cannot protect your children from everything. Another challenge is not always being able to watch out for your children, especially when they are away from you. When you are not with them, they are exposed to many things that are beyond the scope of your protection. As a parent, you simply hope that what you have poured into your child will be enough to sustain them and help them to thrive, be successful and happy.
How has being a father changed you?
I have become a lot more patient. I also carry myself differently, I grind harder because I am not just taking care of myself, but I have children who are dependent on me. Additionally, I try to be responsible and set a good example for my children.
What do you like doing with your children?
We love going to the movies, but I also enjoy taking them on dates individually. This helps me to know each child individually.
How did the relationship with your father affect you as a father?
I did not have a good relationship with my late father and it is what inspired me to write the song Papa. I saw how my father was violent towards my mother and they eventually separated. I did not want that for my children. It has made me intentional in my role as a husband and father because I want to leave behind a good legacy for my children. I want to be a better father to my children. I am not perfect but I am intentional and willing to do better.
FRANKIE JUSTGYMIT, FITPRENEUR
What do you love most about being a father?
One of the most rewarding aspects of being a father is experiencing the unconditional love between a parent and child. The bond formed with a child can be incredibly strong and brings a deep sense of joy and fulfilment to my heart.
How has fatherhood changed you?
It has made me patient and resilient. I developed patience and resilience as I navigated the ups and downs of raising a child. Learning to adapt to new situations and finding solutions to problems has helped me strengthen these qualities.
What are some of the challenges of being a father?
Balancing parental responsibilities with other aspects of life, such as work, relationships, and personal interests. Finding the right balance can be demanding and requires effective time management and prioritisation. But we move!
How did being in the delivery room for the birth of your children affect you?
Being in the delivery room provided me with an opportunity to offer emotional support to the mother of my child during labour. This in return provided reassurance and comfort during an intense and challenging time for her.
Also, being in the delivery room during birth can create a shared experience between a man and the mother of his child, strengthening their relationship and forming lasting memories together.
Witnessing the process of childbirth can also give a father a deeper understanding and appreciation for the physical and emotional aspects of what mothers go through. It fostered a greater sense of respect and admiration for the mothers in my life.
What advice do you have for fathers?
I have four. Firstly, prioritise self-care – take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Being a father can be demanding, so allocate time for activities that rejuvenate you, whether it is exercise, hobbies, or spending time with friends.
Taking care of yourself allows you to be a better parent. Secondly, maintain open lines of communication with your child. Encourage them to express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns, and be a good listener. Effective communication helps build trust and strengthens the parent-child relationship.
Thirdly, express your love and affection for your child through words, gestures, and physical contact. Regularly tell them you love them and provide hugs, kisses, and affirmations. Children thrive when they feel loved and valued. Lastly, enjoy the journey.
Parenthood is a unique and incredible journey. Embrace the joy and challenges that come with it. Be present and cherish milestones and everyday moments with your child. Remember to have fun and enjoy the process.
PASCAL TOKODI, ACTOR
What do you love about being a father?
There are many things I love about fatherhood, but I know we do not have all day so I will give two. Firstly, I love being called a father. Secondly, I love the fact that it has changed me for the better; it has made me grow up. I love my daughter more than anything else in the world.
What do you love doing with your daughter?
I like doing things that make her smile. Her smile melts my heart, it is beautiful. She usually gets up between 5.30am and 6am and when she gets up, I play with her. My wife and I have intentionally bought her toys that make different sounds because we want to raise her in a musical environment. It is wonderful to watch her play with the different toys and to learn which music and sounds she loves most.
What is the biggest challenge of being a father?
My daughter is now 14 months old. About a week ago she got sick, and my wife and I took her to hospital. I have never felt so helpless because she is unable to communicate what she is feeling because she is still a baby. It is difficult to watch your child suffer and not know how to make it better for them. She is better now, but that was hard.
Any advice on fatherhood?
Ensure that the love that you give your child or children is the same as the one that you give to your wife. Do not lose the love that was there between you and your wife before you become parents. Being a parent can be consuming because you love your child or children very much and they invade every area of your life.
Therefore, you must find ways to create time and space for yourself. I mean even my bed is no longer mine, and it can be easy to forget each other as parents, but you must be keen on keeping that love alive so that you enjoy parenthood.
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