Celebrated music producer Tedd Josiah is still reeling from the tragic death of his wife Regina Katar in 2017.
Regina Katar, who was a musician, fashion designer, and a trained journalist passed away on September 30 from internal bleeding which was caused by a blood disorder characterised by few platelets in the blood system.
Speaking to a local daily, Tedd opened up saying his life became rough after the loss, especially with a three-month-old daughter to look after.
“Imagine calling someone your everything – home, safe place, your all – and watching them slowly fade away on their deathbed in less than an hour. I was left on a free fall and lost. In many ways, Regina was my anchor. I have to make a lot of adjustments; I am more hands-on with my baby. I have to wash her, clean, cook, feed and be always there for her,” explained Tedd.
“I am lucky my office is in my home so I can spend all the time I need with her.”
Though it has been hard to do it on his own, Tedd is thankful that “both grandmothers have been very active and supportive and always a phone call away in case I need help. I am grateful for that.”
He, however, wishes that “there were support systems that are more robust in this country. If I was still living in the UK, I would be able to take some time off work and still have an allowance to take care of the baby, and though it wouldn’t be much, it would mean we have a roof over our heads and food to eat as she grows to the age of attending school, before I go back to work. I’ve also had to tighten my circle since not everyone who comes into your life want the best for you.”
On taking care of such a young daughter, Josiah explained that “children are very sensitive to people and people’s moods, so it’s been important that I keep my daughters environment as peaceful and positive as possible.”
On coping with Regina’s loss, Tedd said, “Losing someone you love isn’t easy, especially if it was real love. They say that love never dies, so imagine the confusion in my mind on some days. The loss in my mind. The heaviness in my heart just thinking about the fun times and wishing she’d pop out from behind the door and scream ‘boo!’ and scare me. That’s what we used to do to each other…and listening to beautiful song and wishing I could share that with her. But she’s not here.”
To honour her memory, the producer kept all her valuables for their daughter when she grows up.
“I kept it all. Some precious stuff will stay with me until my daughter is old enough to inherit it all…to let my little Jay know that her mom was loved, her memory was kept safe, but so were her valuable things.”
On dating again, he told the Nairobian that “only God knows the future and the plans He has for me. Would I like to see someone? At this point, my heart has too many mixed emotions.”
He advises other widowers to mourn their loved ones and stop trying to be heroes as “a man who has lost his wife should mourn the way he knows best. Let yourself feel the pain and sorrow. Don’t try and be a hero by bottling it up inside, it will eventually break you. None of us are built strong enough to ignore the pain of loss. It makes men turn to alcohol and other things for a temporary high and to try to forget.”
He adds: “If you’ve got kids, cuddle them and walk this journey together. You need each other. God is able. He will renew me every day and He will take my ashes and give me beauty. I have learnt to depend on God more.”