A woman’s narration of her feelings for Inooro TV presenter Ken Wa Kuraya has gone viral on social media.
In a post on Facebook, writer Waruguru Wa Kiai over the weekend told her hilarious fantasy of the day she meets Ken Wa Kuraya.
Waruguru’s post, shared on her Facebook page Village Girl Thoughts And Dreams., has attracted over 3000 reactions and over 200 shares.
Read her full post below.
“The day I meet Ken Wakuraya…
I will be dressed to kill!
Looking like a PCEA deacon’s daughter I will step like a cat in my yellow ‘wife material’ kitenge. I will bat my eyes and sway my hips in a manner likely to suggest that I have potential to give birth to six children in one year. I will smile shyly and eat my nails like a fertile bride is supposed to do. Ha! I will walk with my ‘babies food’ pointed to the skies, throwing my ‘sodobek’ this way and that way,this way and that way.
Somebody tell Wakuraya that my clan is ready by force! by fire! to sell me to him even if it is on discounted hire purchase! goats are ready to die,cabbages are ready to boil and potatoes …my cousins have been peeling potatoes since I met him on the streets of INOORO reading news like he was reciting his marriage vows .. .to me!
I have not been eating, neither have my lips tasted guarana and other allied frothy drinks, maheni! ken will not confuse me with piled up Michelin tyres.
I have everything figured out, Njeri and Waithira Wa Maruru will not attend the wedding, how can you trust cats with milk? will they not show up looking all beautiful in efforts to confuse my Ken, never! they are not invited.
I will thereafter request for a press conference with all media houses, Lucy style! Standing next to Ken I will warn all skirt wearers from harbouring ‘Kenish’ thoughts in their Brazilian weaved minds, in fact I will call for a total ban of all ‘people from Sarah’s clan’ from watching Inooro lest they throw their bad eyes at Ken. Failure to which I will raid every homestead at four in the night dressed in a pink track suit and a red bandanna asking all women ‘who is your mother’ you know it is not a threat …
I will do all these things but first, who has Ken’s number? and who is this woman smiling at Ken?”
Waruguru describes herself on her blog as follows:
“I am a little girl in the village with muddy palms, cracked feet and a stream of thick mucus running down my lips with a determined tributary headed to the ear. I am that tiny ball of life that stares at you, reading you like a book, I know everything about you, including what you did last holiday behind the CDF Tank. I have brown teeth, sun for eyes and I enjoy urine flavored pastries served in fine china- a collection of plastics heaped in a green paper bag, sourced from the best garbage Stalls. I own a mass grave in my grandmother’s home, a neat line of dead beetles decorated by a fine layer of fresh cow dung, send to the next life in a somber ceremony. I mourn my friends daily.
I have been taught to sit properly –day and night- That is why, whenever I go to school, I safely hoist down my heart shaped panty and tuck it in my bag, No one will see my bad manners!
On my borrowed wall hangs a picture of a bleeding Wangari Mathai flunked by charged women, signed at the bottom – I will shed blood for my country, Kimathi shed blood for our land, our country- I think she is the most beautiful woman in the world. I wish to be her when I grow up.”