fisiDo you consider yourself a ‘fisi’? 

Just like a bro code, there is a ‘fisi code’. Make sure you memorize this.

Fisi Code number 1: you dont send fare before they come. You refund them when they arrive.

Code number 2: when you are a bachelor you should stay in a bed seater, and you should ban stools and anything else that can replace the bed as a chair-including jerricans and buckets. Make sure the room is 1 percent free space and 99 percent bed, so that when you wake up and stand beside the bed, you find yourself outside the house, and therefore incase you need to “be” a gentleman to take a pillow and sleep on the floor, you will be forced to sleep under the bed and that is preposterous; which brings us to code number 3…

Code number 3: make sure you only have a matress in your house, bed wachia Business Education students, so that there is no space under the bed to actually allow the option of acting a gentleman. Some women are crazy; when you propose that you will sleep on the floor hence under the bed, some women may actually agree with you and ask you to go ahead! That said, you will have passed the gentleman exam and will therefore be worthy of sleeping on the matress with the lady.

Code number 4: God forbid, but strive to stay in a place where insecurity or rumours of insecurity forces people to a curfew from 6pm. Which brings us to code number 5.

Code number 5: collect interesting stories from tabloids, borrow jokes from Churchill show, go to irvin randle’s page borrow a swag or two; basically be an attention grabber either by talent, force or by design so that you eat time away.

Code number 6: now stories may only go so far. People run out of stories, even wamama wa plot dont gossip all day. Stories may only hold her hostage upto say 5pm, but remember the curfew starts at 6pm. How do you keep her indoors till 6pm? How do you compensate the 1 hour deficit? You must have a wall clock, set it 1 hour behind time so that when it is 5 pm, it reads 4pm. Now when your handwatch actually reads 6pm, exclaim “wow time inasonga sana! Na hii wall clock yangu inadanganya, think battery yake imeisha. Time ni mbaya utafika safe kweli?”

By Collins Okello