1. UMOJA – All alcoholics live here, in fact there are more bars in Umoja than shops.

2. ZIMMERMAN – All prostitutes, strippers and single mothers live here.

3. MAKONGENI, KALOLENI, JERICHO, MBOTELA, BAHATI
ETC ETC – All those utahama lini children live here, as for girls, they have 3 or 4 children and they still live with their parents.

4. DANDORA, KAYOLE, HURUMA – Role models here are thugs and conductors, infact here the more you get arrested the bigger your celebrity status. The more cat shoes and silver chains you wear …the more your celebrity status. Hapa disco matanga za wezi ni daily.

5. KARIOBANGI – The home of all counterfeits, they are so good at this that they even made their own currency…BAN GLA PESA!!!!!

6. EASTLEIGH – You can buy anything you want here, they are so good they can clone your mother as long as you have cash. Lakini mbom mbom everywhere

7. KIBERA – Hooligans, fanatics, Ushamba, anything negative resides here. Hapa kila mtu najuwa ‘rights’ zake.

8. KAWANGWARE – Home of busaa and very tight security as all the neighbours are in the security industry – ni masoja (Wochmende).

9. NGARA – Student centre …..hapa ukitaka kuonja dem Masai, borana utapata ….students everywhere.

10. PIPELINE – Majority work in industrial area.

11. BURUBURU, KOMAROCK, DONHOLM, SOUTH B, SOUTH C – All these are Runda wannabes. Hapa kisungu ni mingi na mtu akiingia kwa nyumba anaongea broken swahili ama Mother tongue.

12. ROYSAMBU, KASARANI, KAHAWA WEST, KAHAWA WENDANI – University students on part time jobs and those who have just landed their first jobs reside here. In fact, there are more bedsitters and single rooms here than there is bed capacity in all Universities in East and Central Africa combined.