1) Bros’ over hoes
Hoes refers to all other women in a man’s life that are not his wife or close female family members. Hoe’s are not allowed to come in between bro’s. Bro’s therefore, never fight one another over ladies. If a woman comes in between them, they drop her since Bromance is considered to be a lot more important than a hoe.
2) A bro shall honor his family
A bro shall honor his father, mother, siblings, wife and kids. This code dictates that a man must work hard to provide for his family and protect those dear to him with his life. The pack therefore allows a bro to spend quality time with family. Should he neglect his family, the bro’s shall castigate him appropriately.
3) A bro shall always remain loyal to his bros
Loyalty is the most important virtue that binds bros’. Breaking this particular code is tantamount to bro-treason, it’s sacrilegious and unforgiveable. If your bro’s girlfriend calls to inquire where he was last night you shall always claim to have been with him even when you haven’t met the said bro for a month. If a bro asks you to keep a secret, you take it to the grave, no exceptions! Bros shall never reveal their bro-code rules to any lady.
4) A bro shall be responsible for the ‘weaker’ bros
The alpha-bro shall be responsible in building the self-esteem of ‘weaker’ bro’s by handing out time-tested wisdom and power of his skills especially when it comes to dating and business. If a bro is out of employment the other bros should pull strings to get him another gig. Never make your bro look bad especially in front of a lady he is targeting. And when you help out a bro, nobody outside the pack should ever get to hear of it.
5) A bro’s Biological sisters, mother and ex-girlfriends are out of bounds
This code is clear about forbidding inbreeding. Never shall a bro make a move or even harbor thoughts of making away with his bro’s sister, mother or ex-girlfriend. Dating cousins is allowable, but the bro is obligated to treat her with great respect and never reveal graphical details of their sexual encounters. When two bro’s, fall for the same lady, the guy with the longest dry spell is given the first shot.
6) A bro shall fulfill his wingman duties uttermost seriousness
When a bro tasks you to being his wingman for the night, you must drop all your initial plans and report for this divine duty. You shall vouch for everything your bro says even when it’s totally ridiculous. If the lady he is targeting has a friend, it’s your duty to entertain her all night however annoying, unattractive or boring she might be. It’s your sacred duty to sometimes feign romantic feelings, drawing her away in order to give your bro ample space to bond with his catch.
7) Bros shall be brutally honest with one another
When a bro sells-out it shall be pointed out point blank. Out in the world you may be hold a very powerful position but when it comes to your bros that will never stop them from reproaching you when you lose touch with reality. Bros shall forever remind you of your beliefs, priorities in life and principles should you deviate from them. When your a bro is henpecked or is being cheated on by his lady it’s your duty to spell it out without sugar-coating any detail.
8) A bro shall always protect his bros
When a bro gets into a bar fight the other bros shall step in to protect him even if they will have to lose a tooth in the process. Bros never abandon one of their own in times of trouble. When a bro scores a lady during a night out, you shall provide him with a ‘weapon’ and remind him the importance of using it to avoid contracting a nasty STI. If he is too intoxicated to think straight, you shall restrain him from hitting the sack with her. And if an inebriated bro attempts to call or text his ex-girlfriend, you shall confiscate his phone only to give it back when he is sober.
9) A bro shall never share a bed with another man
A bro shall never share a bed with another man unless there is absolutely no other option. When a bro is forced to spend the night lying on the same bed with another man, both shall sleep with all clothes on (shoes and ties too). A buffer zone shall be created between the two, with both parties sleeping while facing opposite sides of the bed. Under no circumstances shall a bro touch the other all through the night.
When in the urinals, a bro shall stare straight ahead and under no condition shall he peek at his bro’s member!
10) A bro shall adhere to the strict do’s and don’ts of communication
Never should a bro eat a banana while staring into the eyes of his bro! A bro is only allowed to hold hands, waists and have his six-pack stroked by the X-X chromosome. Should a dude try any of the above to a bro, he will be eligible for a sucker punch.
When texting your bros never ever use emoticons or send ‘I miss you’ & ‘goodnight’ messages. Doing the above may get you ex-communicated from the pack. Lastly, never call or text your bros around midnight unless you have a life threatening emergency.
By Mark Maina