cowSOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.You have 300 people milking them.You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
Indian corporation: You have two cows. You bribe the Minister to land a government contract for supplying milk to poor primary school children, which requires bidders to have at least 500 cows. To make up the deficit, you add 498 litres of pond water to every 2 litres of milk. The children don’t want to drink it and their parents burn a few buses. Police fire live bullets and three people are killed.
The government appoints an inquiry committee, which comes out with an interim report after three years stating that it needs more time and budget support to complete the probe. It gets what it wants and five committee members -MPs of the ruling and opposition parties – visit Finland, Morocco, Canada, Hong Kong and Macau to learn about best practices in milch cattle management and the matter of milk for primary school children.
By that time you have sold the cows to an abattoir, wired $ 20 million to your Swiss bank account, written newspaper articles about the centrality of the cow in Indian culture and everyone has forgotten about the milk.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive…

AFRICAN CORPORATION
Every state in the world takes ownership of the cows and enjoys the milk, except Africans.

NIGERIA
Congratulations. You are now the very proud owner of 2 million exceedingly fine cows. There is very much luck for you. I can guarantee 100% this is not a scam. In order to secure the documents of ownership of your wonderful cows, please send your email address and bank details as proof you are the lucky person who now owns these cows.
You very lucky man. Congratulations. Don’t forget Bank details. This is most important to secure these best cows. You very lucky.

THAILAND
You have two cows so you send one to Pattaya to work in the sex industry. The other one is really a bull with tits.

AFRICAN EXCEPTIONALISM
You have 10 cows the West invades and takes 9 and tells you its the other tribes fault you don’t have milk. And gives both sides guns to fight. Then gives you loans to develop your country