Radio queen Caroline Mutoko seems to be having enough of pastors and their dramas. She wrote an interesting piece in the star dubbed Romancing The Throne which addresses the romance between pastors and the women in their congregation. In the article, she pointed out 4 things that the clergy should not do with women. Here’s an excerpt.
“Speak to any theologian who appreciates and doesn’t shy away from the fact that that there can be an unhealthy attraction and relationship between those in the church ministry and their flock and you know that there are lines pastors do not want to cross with the female of their flock.
A few adages I know to be true no matter what denomination you subscribe to are:
Church leaders and pastors should not hug women. I said it and I will repeat it. Pastors should not hug the females of their congregation. Yes you may argue that the women need that brotherly support, fatherly comfort, your touch, your “blessing”, but honestly, in most cases, your “touching” satisfies some physical or emotional need in the other person and it’s simply not healthy.
Pastors should never be in their office with a woman alone. A pastor of a large church told us on the Big Breakfast that he doesn’t counsel in his office and even then the door is open and his office is “glass”. Enough said – there is nothing of a spiritual nature even prayer and the laying of hands that cannot be done in the open.
In the same vein and this brings us to the unfortunate incidence last week of Pastor Maingi – Do not make pastoral visits alone. If a pastor knocks on a door and finds that a woman is home alone, they should not go inside, least of all ask to rest on the bed with their clothes off. The prescribed thing is to meet at the door and since this may seem weird, many pastors take a deacon or their wife with them on such calls.
Pastors should not compliment a young woman or any woman on her appearance. A pastor I know says it’s okay to say “You’re looking smart today.” But no pastor or church leader should compliment a woman on her dress or her figure or tell her that her diet’s really working. You are stepping over an invisible line and once you do, coming back is almost impossible. A note to all men – compliments are taken by the average (not all) as “he likes me. He really, likes me.” So if she acts all hurt and wounded when you pay attention to another female yet you never looked at her “like that”, please remember that there’s a young girl in all women and she wants and needs to be validated. Compliments that focus on her physical self are taken very, very differently no matter who you are and especially if you are pastor.
My friends lets not be pretentious in this one thing, when it comes to romancing the throne, power is the ultimate pull. Martin Luther King Jr. had a well-known affair, and I don’t think it’s necessary to mention Bill Clinton. In my opinion, pastors fall into this category to a certain extent.
As women, when we take ourselves to church and especially if we feel there is no where else to turn for solutions to our problems whether those problems are the search for a marriage partner, inability to bear children, ill health, a straying spouse, wayward offspring, lack of finances – we see this man of God as our friend, listening ear, confident and problem solver. Hence when the pastor doesn’t guard against the inevitable attraction that may form, trouble ensues and no good ever comes from romancing the throne – no good whatsoever. The buck stops with the pastor to ensure that he keeps the female of the flock at arms length, after-all, he knows why it is women who flock to church in their thousands. The person who must ensure that there will be no passion at the pulpit is the pastor. “
Do you agree with Caroline’s point of view and what other measures would you advice be put into place to restore balance in the church?