Kenyan Man

On phone;

Gal: Mambo swits?

Boy: Poa sana hun,,, Uko wapi?

Gal: Niko 2 hapa hom niki watch moviez,,,,,

Boy: Hata mi nko kejani 2 nimeboeka yangu yote,,,, Si naeza kam huko 2rilax pamoja??

Gal: Brilliant idea! By the way beib ukikam unikujie na yoghut packet moja na ka black forest cake,,,,

Boy: Khai! Yoghut na hii baridi yote??
Aki my dear staki ukue mgonjwa,,,,

Gal: Sawa basi kam na keki pekee,,,,

Boy: Uuuuiii,,,, Hun nlikukataza kukula hizi vitu za sukari mob,,,, Meno zako zita spoil,,,,

Gal: Gosh! Sasa utakam na nini??,,,,
Basi pitia kwa Baba Kim ununue maini nusu then ukam nayo tupike,,,,,

Boy: What??? Swity hukuona news juzi??? Hizi nyama za skuizi haziaminiki! ,,,, Unaeza dhani ni nyama poa kumbe unakula tumbili,,,,

Gal: Nkt! Basi nikujie na mahindi chemsha ya ten bob!

Boy: Woow! That’s my beiby ,,,, Nakam
nayo sahizi!

***********************************************************

Nigerian Man

Gal: Babe why don’t you come over and I’ll make you dinner. On your way here could you pass by the grocers and pick up some chicken? 

Boy: Abomination! A gal like you shouldn’t be dirtying herself up in the kitchen. Why don’t I pick you up at 7 for dinner? 

Gal: That’s so sweet of you. I had a long, exhausting day at work and really appreciate the gesture. 6:57 pm..door bell..ding dong.. Gal: *squeals* hi babe, so nice to see you. You smell great! What’s that cologne you have on? 

Boy: Just something I picked up at Macy’s.. 

Gal: come on in… *Naija guy unleashes a fresh bouquet of red roses that he was holding behind his back.
Are those for me?

Boy: They’re for my beautiful princess. Look at you. I love your hairstyle, it suits you well. It must have dented your your wallet at the salon. Here is Kshs 20,000. 

Gal: aaaah, you know I can’t take it.

Boy: what now? Ok, here is 50,000. Is that better? 

Gal: aaaahhh, okey thanks! You didn’t have to…Would u like something to drink? 

Boy: No wahala, I already made reservations so let’s be on our way.. 

Gal: Really?? Aww…you are too much. Where are we going? Naija guy: It’s a surprise, I’m sure you’ll love it! Naija guy and gal exit the apartment and head to Hotel Sankara.)

© nairobiwire.com
Follow @nairobiwire