WHEN A NAIROBIAN VISITS
1) All the swahili you learnt in
school was just theory . When you land in coast, you start the
2) Niaje .. . is NOT an acceptable
greeting. You say Niaje to someone and they gaze at you
like they just caught you staring at virgin Mary ‘s jugs!
3) Remember when your swahili teacher said those funny tanakali za sauti and
misemo things you learnt in primary school and high
school will come back to haunt you?
He was right. I learnt that saying ‘Akaanguka kwa maji
kuuuu! … . is wrong . Wrong? SINCE WHEN?
4) Shukisha .. . is NOT matatu –
speak for being dropped off in coast . Bwaga is the word . I
sure missed ngeli ya Bwa- ga in class.
5) If you use SHENG, you will most possibly look as stupid as a man in his wife’s red
dress and purple stockings . If swahili doesnt work with you, use English .
6) If some coastarian starts
insulting you, you are dead. They are DAMN good at
it . Open your mouth to answer and everyone will
wonder which insult school you attended.How do you
answer an insult like ,’Mbona
wahara maneno ovyo ovyo .Na si umwombe Mola tako lingine uregeshe domo hilo lako?’
7) The punctuation marks in their swahili are difficult . I know fullstops ,comas and
exclamation marks.There you
punctuate your sentense with Naomba ,
words.Guess the hookers from there feel like queens
when you say, ‘Naomba ya mia mbili !’